You were hurting me. You could see you were. Everyone around me could see you were. But I never saw it, maybe because I was too blinded by your half love, or should i call it fake?
You could see the pain in my eyes, You could see that I was breaking, You could see my soul shattering inside of me. You were torturing me. You could see that, everyone could see that, but I never saw that. You were torturing me and yet you continued without even feeling a single bit of remorse.
You fed me with your lies, You lied about loving me, You lied about seeing stats in my eyes because had you really loved me, you would have seen the galaxies because I believe that that is what my eyes hold, not just mere stars but the very galaxies.
Yet I believed you. I drank in those lies like they were the potion of truth. I held on to those lies like they were my lifeline. Your lies gave me hope i guess, your lies made me feel loved i guess, that’s why i overlooked every warning sign that you threw my way that you were the epitome of trouble, that you were the hurricane that would wreak destruction,that would leave me shattered.
I remember you looked me in the Eyes and told me, told me that you knew you knew you were hurting me. that you could see the pain in my eyes as I saw you flirting with them. You never felt anything when you saw me in pain.
That is why I guess, you never saw my world falling apart while I stood there in front of you trying to make sense of what you just told me, trying to grasp the words you said. You never saw me gasping for air as i tried to understand, you never saw me drowning.You were my sanity in the hell we were in but you walked away, and left me in the chaotic mess that was the demons in my head. They went to sleep when I found you, and when you left, they roared and screamed inside my head happy to have their beloved back.
That day you walked away, you never looked back, not even half a glance. You never saw me shaking as my knees hit the floor. You never saw the sparkle in my eyes dull, and you never heard the sobs that rippled through me which is the most painful sound my friends ever heard they said.
You saw nothing.
The last conversation we had is still clear in my head, “Don’t trust easily” you wrote. Guess what? I refused to adhere to that.
It took you less than a month to move on. I saw you in the hallways with her. Your new catch as they said. Six months later and I’m still trying to move on. Eight months later and I forgive you for me. You never cease to text me and the same words i read over and over again ” I’m sorry for what i did to you” I guess the guilt caught up with you at last didn’t it? That is why every 2 months you ask for forgiveness.
You see, you never really want my forgiveness, you only want to see if I’m happy without you.
Well, I am. you see, I forgave a long time ago, not because you deserve it, but because i do. Because i deserve the peace, i deserve to heal. Sometimes i see things that remind me of you, but then i remember the pain you put me through, so no, you are not even worthy of a second thought.
But one thing, you never killed the fairy tale believing girl inside of me, so shoot me, I still believe in romance.