I’m walking through the streets as the wind blows my hair away from my face, the scent in the wind does not remind me of your fragrance anymore. I see a teenage couple sitting on the park bench watching the sun set, I do not wish you were here with me anymore, nor do I see you in the boy sitting on the park bench holding her hand.
It starts to rain and I do not see the tears I shed for you for months on end, instead i see new hope, hope that this rain will cleanse me of your touch and wash away the lingering fragrance of your skin on mine, i see hope that i will grow this time.
It becomes cold and I do not feel despair or hopeless, instead the cold reminds me of the person you made me and I make a promise to never contact that cold person again nor try to become her again. The steaming cup of coffee in front of me does not remind me of the color of your eyes, instead it reminds of the woods and trees and books.
The boy at the table next to me does not remind me of the way you looked at me, rather I see the lost soul in him for who he is, not linked to you at all. This time I write in my diary not with tears in my eyes, I do not write about how something reminded me of you, rather i write about how nothing reminds me of you, i remind myself to burn that page later, because burning will burn you from my soul.
I walk along the beach looking at the waves as they crash, the noise that they make, the crashing does not remind me of the sound my heart made when you left, when you threw it and it broke, rather it reminds me of the ocean, just what it’s meant for. The smell of the ocean does not remind me of the day we spent here, trying to connect with each other, rather it reminds of the time I came with my family and the fun we had together when I was a little girl. The feel of the sand does not remind me of the texture of your hair, rather, it reminds me of the texture of my mothers dress, the day of my graduation as I hugged her.
I stand facing the ocean and burn the a piece of paper with your name on it, for me it symbolizes you burning from my soul and setting me free. I am setting you free, I am setting myself free. That day I watched your name burn as i let it sift away, my heart did not squeeze in my chest nor did my tears flow, that’s when I knew, I have truly let you go and you are just a mere memory of a lesson learned.
Finally, I am calling it peace.
(This is something I thought of as I sat on an endless plane ride back home. Sorry for not posting for two weeks, gosh! it was a long time, but I’m back now. Please comment, share and like my blog!)