Moving on.

“It’s over”

Your world came crashing down and you could barely breathe as you watched him walk away from you, all those months of happy memories flashing before your eyes. You tried to run after him, begging him to stay, he did not even turn around to look at you once. He did not flinch as he saw your tears rolling down your cheeks as you struggled to breathe.

That night you lay in bed questioning  every single thing in your life. Him, your friends, your family, your entire existence. You tried to make sense of everything. You tried to cry, but no tears came forth, it’s like you were numb, not feeling, emotionless, drained, just numb.

You tried to sleep but you couldn’t because when you closed your eyes all you could see was him. His eyes, his lips, his face, his hands in your hands, his body pressed against yours, the feel of his hair, his smell. Every little thing. You stayed up the whole night, wondering, thinking and over thinking, trying to see where it all went wrong, where it all went downhill.

It’s morning, he hasn’t returned your calls or replied to your texts. Maybe he’s blocked you. You look through all the pictures again and re-read all your texts, you’re unable to get out of bed. Finally, you cannot take it anymore and the first sob breaks through your chest, you cover your mouth and your other arm is around your heart because it hurts, it is physically hurting you and you feel like you’re breaking. you cry and cry trying to stop but you can’t, it’s almost impossible to. After almost two hours of crying the pain is getting better, it’s like a dull throb, it’s still there though.

Flash forward to a week, you still cry every night, you’ve deleted the number but are unable to delete the chats or pictures. Two weeks later, you deleted the pictures and the chats. It still hurts, he already has a new girlfriend, they are happy together and it kills you but you’re happy that he is happy. You don’t cry every night but some nights it’s unbearable and the tears just flow. Many things remind you of him and it hurts you but you move on.

It’s been a month since you are apart, you still think of him from time to time, not so often but you do. You see him in the places you used to go to together, but he is with her, they’re making their own memories.

Two months now, you barely even think of him. He is just a memory, a good one, but a memory. Someone you used to care about, none of your concern now.It does hurt sometimes, but not as intensely as it used to. You spend less nights awake staring at the ceiling and you can sleep through most of your nights without dreaming of him again.

Three months and you start to pick your pieces off the floor. Assemble them again into a new masterpiece. Create a new you, a strong you, a resilient you, a warrior you. You don’t even think of him as a person anymore, just a memory. You take the pain he has given you and make rainbows out of it and spread it in your world, you take the tears he has given you and turn them into water to grow beautiful flowers in your heart. You take that frown and turn it into a smile so bright, that it lights up your world. Those sleepless nights, are not sleepless anymore, you no longer stay awake wondering about him and going back to your memories together. The tears that you shed, filled the cracks in your heart and made it whole again.

You’re back as a masterpiece and a work of art, that if any person were to open you up, they’d just stare at you and never look away. You wear your scars like a proud warrior because you are one. You start to love yourself like never before and wonder why you never loved yourself before. You are an intricate design of cracks and rainbows and glowing light and flowers with galaxies in your soul and the stars in your eyes. You’ve done something impossible, you thought you will never move on, you will never be able to love again, but here you are. You did move on, you love yourself and you will find someone to share that love with again soon.

So whichever stage you are at right now, I can only tell you that it gets better. It gets beautiful again, the color in your world is not gone just because he is.

(P.S; you can use whichever pronouns you are comfortable with. Also, different people have a different amount of time that they take to heal, some may take a week or two, others make take one month or two months or three or even six, while others may take a year or two or even more.)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s