I wish i could go back.

Oh, how I wish I could go back to the time where I could wear anything that i wanted to without feeling like I’m going to be judged very hard for it. I wish i could go back to the time when i cried over a bruised knee and scratched elbow not over a broken heart and hurt soul. I wish i could go back to the time where i stayed awake till 3 am because i was excited for the trip that i was going on the next day not because i was hurting over someone who didn’t love me back or over someone who walked away.

How I wish I could back to the time where I could listen to a certain song because i liked the tune and not because i can relate with every single painful word that’s being sung. I wish i could go back to the time where listening to a certain song did not bring back hurtful memories of the past. I wish i could go back to the time where i wasn’t judged for how much i ate or how fat or thin i looked.

I wish I could go back to the time where my stretch marks weren’t the cause of shame for me. Rather I just did not care. I wish I could go back to the time where i did not have to second guess anyone’s intention with me and where i could trust close ones to not break my heart or stab me in the back for their own gains. I wish i could go back to the time where promises were made by pinky fingers and were never broken.

I wish I could go back to the time where I fought with my parents to allow me to watch television for one more hour rather than fighting with them because they wouldn’t let me go out or because they deeply hurt me in a certain way. I wish I could go back to the time when people had a face to face conversation rather than texting on the phone all the time and unable to hold even a two-minute conversation in real life.

I wish I could go back to the time where going out was considered happiness rather than staying in and isolating one self because you don’t feel accepted in the society. I wish I could go back to the time where any negative remark never really stuck with me or ruined my whole day rather than now, where any small negative thing said to me affects my life and makes me question everything about myself. I wish I could go back to the time where i did not have to think so hard when picking out clothes rather than now, where i have to find what is appropriate and covering because some man on the street is going to look at me a certain way or cat call me, and because if i wear something too revealing then i would be inviting men to rape me or sexually assault me.

I wish I could go back to the time where making friends was so much easier rather than hard whereby right now making virtual friends is much easier than making real friends because someone simply finds that the virtual person is not judgmental. I wish I could go back to the time where face to face interaction was much easier.

How I wish I could go back to the time where life was much simpler than it is now…

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