Forgive me for not writing yesterday, even writers run out of words sometimes.
Darling, today I want you to close your eyes and think of everything, every little thing you’ve done to yourself that has brought you even the smallest of discomfort or pain. You never deserved it, no one deserves to cause pain on themselves,but sometimes it happens. Willingly or unwillingly. So today i ask you to forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself for allowing someone to break all the promises they made to you. Forgive yourself, for believing that they mean all the words they said, that they meant it when they said they would stay, but left as soon as they saw your broken pieces and torn soul. Forgive yourself for believing people when they promised you the world but they couldn’t even give you a little piece of their world.
Forgive yourself for being in a toxic relationship for longer than humanely possible. Forgive yourself for allowing them to choke you with all the lies and games. Forgive yourself for staying even though every person that cares for you and every cell in your body screamed at you to leave them, to walk away, because you were too good and too forgiving for them. Forgive yourself for putting up with someone for a long time, even though every second of it made you hate yourself for lowering your self-worth, because you never had enough courage to walk away without feeling like you are leaving, even though none of it was your fault.
Forgive yourself for not being able to give all your love to a person who gave you all of theirs because you were too broken. Forgive yourself for being in a relationship with someone even though you were not in it fully because you had to be cautious, what if they leave like every other person left? Yes you did love them, but not with every ounce of your soul because you were still too hurt from the previous ordeal you went through. Don’t feel guilty for leaving the person who loved you fully, yes, you did hurt them, by leaving, but then, you were honest, you chose to be honest to themselves and to you and that is bravery because you left them while some part of you still loves them. You chose to try to make it easier for that person. So forgive yourself, for choosing your well-being over theirs for once.
Forgive yourself for sacrificing your comfort and happiness for someone many times, almost all the time. Every single time that you chose to kill yourself a little inside because it would bring happiness to the person that matters to you or the person that you love, forgive yourself for doing that to yourself, forgive yourself for choosing their happiness over yours even thought they rarely chose you over others or rarely chose your happiness over theirs or over other people’s.
Forgive yourself for trying to see the good in people even though every single signal they gave off was a bad one. Forgive yourself for trying to make excuses for the way people treated you when you deserved nothing less than the galaxies. Forgive yourself for making people a priority in your life when all you were to them was a choice, an option.
Forgive yourself for being there for people when they needed you each and every time, but when you needed them, they made excuses and left you to deal with the demons inside your head all by yourself. Forgive yourself for being a good person towards the people who deserved nothing but hate for the way they have treated you. Forgive yourself for allowing people to take you for granted.
Darling it’s time, it’s time don’t you see? Time to unload all the burdens you have been carrying on your shoulder. Time to unload the guilt. It’s time to forgive yourself for every thing that you have done or have allowed to be done to, knowingly and unknowingly. It’s time to set yourself free from the burden of guilt that you carry around, don’t you see it’s weighing you down? Get it off your shoulder and chuck it in the trash, because I think it’s time for you to choose yourself over everyone, it’s time for you to give only to the people who give to you. I think it’s time to be selfish when it comes to your mental health and well-being and sanity.
Darling, it’s time.